I am 23 years old, and I have a friend who is also 23, whom I’ve known since high school and have a great relationship with. We both live rich, stimulating lives; we both enjoy reading. She plays a historical sport and has a degree in language and translation, while I love writing and have a degree in communication design, and we both illustrate from time to time. For context, we were born and raised in Italy, so by a quick calculation, we’ve been friends for 8 years.
Let me get to the point: she’s always been an inspiration to me because she’s highly motivated to study, achieve personal fulfilment, and be honest. I tend to be more reserved by nature, and I’ve never been the kind of friend who points out a mistake right away when she sees one, but if you’re struggling with it, I’m ready to support and help you. She’s been dating a guy (26) who lives about 250km (~155 miles) away for three years—trust me, that’s not a small distance by Italian/European standards—whom she met online and started dating on and off after the first year.
I remember perfectly when she dumped him after 1.5 years because he had been insensitive to her several times, and she was always the one initiating conversations and emotionally moving the relationship forward. Well, over the past year, she’s been staying at his house for moderate periods (1 to 3 months) and for major holidays like Christmas and Easter, away from her family. A few days ago, she announced to me, almost as if it were a natural thing, that they’ll be looking for a place to rent together this summer, where he lives. 
This would mean three things for her:
- Since she’s not financially independent (she’s finishing her master’s degree and doesn’t have a job already established in her new city), he would be the one to manage everything, for better or worse.
- She would be moving away from the only family she has in the area; I know her financial situation, and tickets to and from there are a significant long-term expense.
- The only truly available group of friends would be her boyfriend’s, because she has a low social battery and tends to seek out small groups.
In conclusion, ever since she told me, I’ve felt worried about her. I’m probably also influenced by the experiences of other people close to me who moved away from home to be with a person who wasn’t local—rather than moving for work—and who, as the months went by, lost some of their identity and their progress in a new place where they relied only on their partner.
The best advice she got:
Mention it once
“Maybe just mention once that you’ll miss having her around and ask if she’s thought through the logistics of moving so far? Don’t make it about him specifically because that usually makes people defensive. If she’s really your friend for 8 years, she probably knows what you think already anyway, and pushing too hard might just make her pull away from you when things get difficult later.”
When it comes to relationships, people have to figure things out for themselves the hard way
“You can tell her once, but bear in mind most people, when it comes to relationships, have to figure things out for themselves the hard way. If someone outside of the relationship tries to mention there is an issue within the relationship, the automatic response tends to be to defend the relationship. This would put you on the outside, and her guard would be up. She is going to learn eventually that it’s a mistake and that he likely will hurt her emotionally. When it happens, just be there to support her.”
Editor’s Note: We can’t protect our friends from all the consequences of their bad decisions, but we can offer advice in a non-judgemental tone. If she still decides to move in with him, support her the best you can.
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Culled from Reddit
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