Six years, countless red flags, a birthday betrayal, and the moment she finally checked his phone. Welcome to another episode of Love and Delulu.
Q: When did you meet him, and what was your first impression of him?
We met, like, let’s say, in 2015. I just finished secondary school at the time, and I went for a church programme. That’s where I saw him for the first time. In my mind, I was like, “Who is this person that keeps disturbing everybody, dancing like a nuisance?”
We spoke for a bit, but we were mostly arguing about who went to the best school. After that encounter, we lost contact until years later. 
Q: When did you reconnect?
2018. I got a call, and I was like, “Who is this?” He introduced himself, and that was when we started talking properly. We started dating that same year in November or December; I can’t quite recall.
At first, it was a long-distance relationship because we were in different universities. But in 2019, we were both done with school, and we moved back to Lagos.
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Q: When did you first notice something was wrong?
In 2020. I noticed that he was talking to a girl, but I didn’t give much thought to it. He was also posting the same girl on his WhatsApp status. You know, there’s a way a man that you are dating posts a lady, and you kind of like feel like there’s more to this posting than normal friendship.
When I confronted him, he said she is just a friend, but in 2021, I found out through a mutual friend that they had dated.
Q: Mad oo…How did he respond when you confronted him again?
This time, he apologised and said the relationship had ended, so I just stayed with him because I believed it had. But they didn’t break up at the time he told me they did. They broke up when she travelled outside Nigeria. I found out about this lie in 2023.
Q: Chai! How did that make you feel?
I wanted to end things, but he kept saying, “Oh, we’ve been together for so long.” Nobody understands us like we actually understand each other. yada yada yada. And I stayed because of those same reasons; I could not let go of all those memories. I wish I was strong at the time, because guess what? He cheated again!
Q: Did he cheat again?
Yes, in 2024, a few days after my birthday. He sent me a picture of food that he cooked. I didn’t even clock it immediately because this guy can’t cook. Soon after, I was at his place, and his phone was open, and I decided to glance through.
I saw chats with a particular girl who came to visit him a few days after my birthday. Bear in mind that he didn’t get me anything for my birthday because he was “broke,” but he could afford to transport another girl and camp with her for days.
Q: What happened after you confronted him?
Yes, and he started gaslighting me, asking why I would check his phone. At that point, I just decided that I couldn’t do this anymore. So, I broke up with him, but he begged and begged, and I shamelessly accepted him back, and we started dating again.
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Q: You dated him again?
Yeah, I know. But I no longer had feelings for him, so we kept fighting, and one day, I just woke up and blocked him everywhere.
Q: Thank God for you oo. But how did the breakup affect you emotionally?
I was broken. I could not eat for days. I lost a lot of weight. I was always crying. I went bald, lol.
My colleagues used to call me a widow then because I looked horrible. I would come to work, go to the bathroom and cry, and then come out with a swollen face. It was a terrible time in my life.
Q: What did you learn from the relationship?
I don’t think I’ll trust a guy like that again. I would also never give a man that number of years again. I’m still a lover girl, though, and I’m definitely going to love again. I’ll keep loving.
Q: Any advice for the girlies?
Stay wicked! (laughs out loud). Understanding girlfriend no dey pay so shine your eyes, and if he cheats once, he will do it again. Also, check your man’s phone!
Love & Delulu is a weekly love series filled with hope, romance, and sometimes heartbreak and delusion.
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